Small Wins
Springing back to my feet this spring
Note: The first draft of the following was written in the midst of April and now, at the end of April, my mental state is changed. But I decided to send this out just to capture the emotion.
Hello!
“There is a folder in my email inbox, I keep it all the way at the bottom, just...just to keep it out of sight. It contains all the rejections I’ve received over the last 10 years of trying to get my work published.”
These are the opening lines of my true story “Reject”; a story I told on stage at The Moth, London on 10 April. You can read how that came about on my Instagram page here. But the aftermath of telling that story is here --
From the dark slump I slid into, I suddenly sprouted wings. My confidence soared. It was just the dopamine hit my brain needed to escape the rut and be the go-getter I claim to be.
I told a story at The Moth!
Tall Tales, my organisation in India, is modelled after The Moth. As my friend Nadeem rightly said, “You performed at the mothership!”
Telling stories remains a big part of who I am. My CV proudly states authored and narrated 12 stories in 3 cities across India. (I should change that to across two countries, now, maybe?)
While this boost helped, temporarily, from the next day, I continued to receive rejections from jobs and submissions. All the doors I knock are shut in my face. It’s been a harrowing and humbling 6 months where every effort I’ve made ends in failure. Or (in keeping a positive outlook) ends unsuccessfully.
It’s hard to keep going. To write another word. What’s even the point?
Recently, my colleague Gabbi interviewed me for a social media post about my graduation (I do part time work — but it’s never enough for London). She asked me what career move was I hoping to make when I studied an MA in Creative Writing? I laughed. I never studied Creative Writing as a career move. I doubt anyone does. I did it out of curiosity. To learn how to write better than I did. To have conversations about commas and semi-colons. Sentence structures and word wizardary. To give myself a year to write to the best of my ability. I did all of it. It was a dream I dreamed when I was a wee young lad of 16 and now, at the age of 32, I achieved it.
Sometimes, it takes a while for things to work out. Hallu hallu, advice one stoned baba offered 10 years ago. Things take their time to coalesce. You can try but you need to also allow the process to happen. Hardest part is to maintain patience. But these small wins help sail these rough waters.
I’m just grateful that I’m in privileged position to give my dreams that time.
Akshay’s Updates
Two days ago, I got married. More on that next month! 😉
I told a story at The Moth story slam. I still can’t believe it.
I’ve been dreaming about getting an MA in Creative Writing since 2007. Today, I can finally meet my inner angst filled teenage self and tell him proudly, I did it.
Until next month,
Keep blooming,
Akshay